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The Contest is........ Best joke. Remember this is a family Forum. Post up this March. We will have everyone vote the last week of March.

OK, here is the best joke of all: ................Barack Obama!

A baby seal walks into a club.....................

Relaytech wrote:

OK, here is the best joke of all: ................Barack Obama!

Thats no joke!

Inspectors life...

Inspector was sitting at home after a hard day's work, reflecting on where his life had taken him, when suddenly, God appeared before him.
"Wow" Inspector says, "what are you doing in my house God?"
To which God replied, "Inspector, you have lived a good life, always thinking of others before yourself, working hard to provide for your family, and being a positive influence in your friends lives. I want to reward you"
"With what", Inspector queries.
"Anything that your heart desires. You have served me faithfully, so it is only fitting that your reward is as fitting as that devotion. Anything at all, but with one condition. It must benefit all of mankind as well".
Inspector thinks for a moment, then it hits him. "I would like a bridge built, from right here in Seattle, all the way to Hawaii, so that people can drive there anytime they like to enjoy the splendor that you have created"
God, a little taken back says,"That is a very fine wish you have made. But do you realize the logistics involved with something like that? I mean, driving supports into the ocean floor, miles deep, disturbing the sea life, and all of the materials that would be involved... I just don't think it is a workable idea. Perhaps something else".
Inspector, a little dejected, reflects for a few moments, then says,"I have it! Something everyone will benefit from. Please God, can you make women easier to understand? So that we as husbands and boyfriends, can get along with them better?"
God looks at Inspector for a moment, then says, "So, would you like that bridge 2 lanes or 4?"



Thank you, I'll be here all week, don't forget to tip your waitress.

Here is one-----> "my ass in those shorts"



OK, i will try and find a good one. cuz i want to win those shorts and post picks !

One of the few family friendly jokes I know.

A string is walking down the street on a hot day and he decides he wants a beer so he goes into a bar.
The string asks politely "Please sir, may I get a beer?"
"I'm very sorry, we don't serve strings in here." the bartender replies.
The string is disappointed, so he moseys on down the street to the next bar and goes inside.
"Please sir, may I get a beer?" the string asks the the bartender.
The bartender answers "No. We don't serve strings in here. You gotta go."
The string is getting kinda peeved now, but he walks down to the next bar.
"Bartender! Get me a beer!" he demands.
"You, string, out. We don't serve your type in here." the bartender barks back.
The string is now very angry. He goes outside and contorts himself horribly and messes up his hair then steps back into the bar.
"Bartender! Get me a beer!" he demands again.
"Saaaayyyyy, aren't you the string that was just in here?" the bartender asks, suspiciously.
" No. I'm a frayed knot."

Troy341

This thread is so worth a pair of shorts.

Blind rabbit and a blind snake are cruising through the woods, when they bump into each other.

Snake: "pardon me, I didn't mean to bump into you. You see, I am blind".

Rabbit: "What a coincidence.....I did not see you either, as I am blind too."

They chat for a bit, discussing their difficulties from their shared disability. How hard life is. How bleak, living in a world without sight. Eventually, the rabbit has a thought:

Rabbit: "Can you help me with something? Because I cannot see, I have never been able to look into a mirror. I don't even know what I am. Can you help me?"

Snake: "Sure. In fact, I don't know what I am either. You can help me too."

So, the snake coils himself around the rabbit carefully. Finally, he figures it out.

Snake: "I..I think you are a bunny rabbit."

The rabbit is really, really excited by this. He offers to do the same. He runs his paws over the snake. Suddenly, he figures it out, and perks up.

Rabbit: "you're kinda slimey, and scaley, and have no balls....you're a politician!"

Two salmon were swiming up a river. One ran into a concrete wall. Dam said the other.


RNC


Old Phil

Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be BAGELS (bay-gulls, get it!?)!
___________________________

How do crazy people get home?

They take the psychopath!
__________________________

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?

A stick.
__________________________

I'm actually female, should I still not model if I win??
I'm kidding. The shorts should go to someone who can use 'em. I'm not in that boat right now, I just like cheesy jokes :)

A man walks into a bar and says "ouch"

Why couldn't the Polish terrorist blow up the car? He burned his lips on the tail pipe!

Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the sh*t out of it

What washes up on really small beaches?












Microwaves!

a buddy of mine called me from north dakota and told me the wind was blowing 30+ mph, the temp. was -37, and it had been snowing for 3 days. he was starting to worry about his wife, for the last week he says all she does is stare through the kitchen window all day , and all night. he told me he was gonna let her back in the house for a while.


what do women and dog SH*@ have in common????? the older they are the easier they are to pick-up!!!

Last week before voting. Post up!

Man sitting at home on the porch with his wife and he says, "I love you."

She asks, "Is that you, or the beer, talking?"

He replies, "It's me talking.............to the beer."

does my ass make these shorts look big?

i liove thw camel toe,
it comes in handy when.......
i need a place to hide my fountain pen

My wife and i were sitting on the couch 1 evening watching the discovery channel. An interesting documentary comes on about Vegas and the " women of the night ". After discovering how much they make she gets up and starts to pack her bags for Vegas. i say to her,"where do you think your going?" she replies,"im going to vagas and get $300.00 a pop for what i give you for free!!!". I start to pack a bag as well and when she notices me packing she asked in that sarcastic tone i fell in love with so long ago," what, are you gonna follow me and try to stop me?" i replied "hell no!!!!! i want to see you live on $600.00 a year.

A man comes home to find his wife hurriedly packing her suitcase.

"What are you doing?" He asks.
"I'm moving to Vegas!"
"What for?"
"Prostitutes there get $400 for what I give you for free!" She yells.

So naturally the man starts packing his suitcase as well.

"Where do you think you're going?" She demands.
"I'm going to Vegas too! I was to see how you can live on $800 a year!"


Courtesy of my mom :)

Time to vote. Reply with which joke was your favorite. The voting will be over April 2.

TheFlying"W" wrote:

Inspector was sitting at home after a hard day's work, reflecting on where his life had taken him, when suddenly, God appeared before him.
"Wow" Inspector says, "what are you doing in my house God?"
To which God replied, "Inspector, you have lived a good life, always thinking of others before yourself, working hard to provide for your family, and being a positive influence in your friends lives. I want to reward you"
"With what", Inspector queries.
"Anything that your heart desires. You have served me faithfully, so it is only fitting that your reward is as fitting as that devotion. Anything at all, but with one condition. It must benefit all of mankind as well".
Inspector thinks for a moment, then it hits him. "I would like a bridge built, from right here in Seattle, all the way to Hawaii, so that people can drive there anytime they like to enjoy the splendor that you have created"
God, a little taken back says,"That is a very fine wish you have made. But do you realize the logistics involved with something like that? I mean, driving supports into the ocean floor, miles deep, disturbing the sea life, and all of the materials that would be involved... I just don't think it is a workable idea. Perhaps something else".
Inspector, a little dejected, reflects for a few moments, then says,"I have it! Something everyone will benefit from. Please God, can you make women easier to understand? So that we as husbands and boyfriends, can get along with them better?"
God looks at Inspector for a moment, then says, "So, would you like that bridge 2 lanes or 4?"



Thank you, I'll be here all week, don't forget to tip your waitress.

I think this one is the winner!

MORE VOTES!